Something that I struggle with is perfectionism. I know some of you reading this are chuckling to yourselves because you've seen how ridiculously unorganized I am, but I'm talking about perfectionism when it comes to what people see in or about me (if that makes sense?)
While I was at work on Saturday night around nine pm, I got a text from my dad asking me if I would be willing to lead worship THE NEXT MORNING. I then responded with the question "Do I have to pick the set list?" and was given the answer "Yes." As frustrated and nervous as I was, I resentfully told him that I would lead and then went about the rest of the night filled with absolute terror about what the next day had in store for me.
I didn't get home until eleven pm and I spent a good two hours or so just staring at my iTunes library wondering what on God's green earth I was going to do about picking a set list for Sunday morning's worship services. I eventually compiled a list that I considered to be barely adequate and went to bed.
I woke up on Sunday morning unrested and not in the mood to lead worship. I was CONSUMED with the fear that people were going to hate the songs that I had chosen and that the band wasn't going to be capable enough to play them on such short notice (which is lame because have you heard the Life Church worship team? There are some crazy talented people that I get to play music with.) I made it to the church about fifteen minutes before practice was supposed to start so I could print out chord charts for the band and there were (what seemed to me) problems out the wazoo. The printer kept getting jammed, my guitar wouldn't work, and I just couldn't get a hold of the songs. I kept having to stop and refigure things out and we didn't finish practicing until about three minutes before the first service was supposed to start. My heart was in absolute chaos. I just knew that I was going to lead a horrible worship service and the entire congregation was going to laugh at how terrible of a worship leader I was. As service time got closer and closer, the more I felt like I was going to throw up. I did not want to lead. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. But then somewhere in the last few seconds before the first song started, the Holy Spirit sweetly said to me, "It's not about you."
Now obviously, in my heart of hearts I knew that. But with someone with as big of an ego as me, that's a hard concept to grasp. Even when I tell myself that it's all for God's glory and that worship isn't about me, I still find myself worrying about people's perceptions and opinions about me. There are times when I feel as though I've led a "bad" worship set and I'll beat myself up over it for weeks. Something I've been learning recently though is that if you're worshiping the Lord in spirit and in truth, you're not really going to care whether or not the set list was "good" because GOD is good and HE is worthy of your praise. When your heart is focussed on His heart, you worship reflects that and makes it into something beautiful.
So yeah, that's all I've got for today. Cool. Okay bye now.
While I was at work on Saturday night around nine pm, I got a text from my dad asking me if I would be willing to lead worship THE NEXT MORNING. I then responded with the question "Do I have to pick the set list?" and was given the answer "Yes." As frustrated and nervous as I was, I resentfully told him that I would lead and then went about the rest of the night filled with absolute terror about what the next day had in store for me.
I didn't get home until eleven pm and I spent a good two hours or so just staring at my iTunes library wondering what on God's green earth I was going to do about picking a set list for Sunday morning's worship services. I eventually compiled a list that I considered to be barely adequate and went to bed.
I woke up on Sunday morning unrested and not in the mood to lead worship. I was CONSUMED with the fear that people were going to hate the songs that I had chosen and that the band wasn't going to be capable enough to play them on such short notice (which is lame because have you heard the Life Church worship team? There are some crazy talented people that I get to play music with.) I made it to the church about fifteen minutes before practice was supposed to start so I could print out chord charts for the band and there were (what seemed to me) problems out the wazoo. The printer kept getting jammed, my guitar wouldn't work, and I just couldn't get a hold of the songs. I kept having to stop and refigure things out and we didn't finish practicing until about three minutes before the first service was supposed to start. My heart was in absolute chaos. I just knew that I was going to lead a horrible worship service and the entire congregation was going to laugh at how terrible of a worship leader I was. As service time got closer and closer, the more I felt like I was going to throw up. I did not want to lead. I didn't want to make a fool of myself. But then somewhere in the last few seconds before the first song started, the Holy Spirit sweetly said to me, "It's not about you."
Now obviously, in my heart of hearts I knew that. But with someone with as big of an ego as me, that's a hard concept to grasp. Even when I tell myself that it's all for God's glory and that worship isn't about me, I still find myself worrying about people's perceptions and opinions about me. There are times when I feel as though I've led a "bad" worship set and I'll beat myself up over it for weeks. Something I've been learning recently though is that if you're worshiping the Lord in spirit and in truth, you're not really going to care whether or not the set list was "good" because GOD is good and HE is worthy of your praise. When your heart is focussed on His heart, you worship reflects that and makes it into something beautiful.
So yeah, that's all I've got for today. Cool. Okay bye now.
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