Dear Mom

On October 12, 1993 a beautiful little girl (me, obviously) changed your life forever. You were no longer just a wife but you were a mom too. On that day, my needs were moved to the forefront of your life. Whether it be when I was a baby and screaming in the middle of the night or at three in the morning on my twenty-first birthday when my whole plans for the future shattered and I wept and you sat there and listened. I have never known a day when you put your wants or needs ahead of mine and to see that kind of selflessness is absolutely beautiful.

As I've gotten older, I've noticed that you've lost sight of your worth not only as a wife and mother, but simply as a person. Believe it or not, you are completely whole and valid and wonderful on your own. You would still be important if none of us were here. I think that's something that mom's struggle with (not that I know, but it's something that I've noticed.) Their whole identity becomes wrapped up in their children and when they mess up in the slightest way, they feel completely invalid. Guess what, mommas, y'all are so valid.

But to my mom, hi.

Look at our matching turtle neck game circa 2004

Or that day you cleaned the porta potties by yourself because I was a cry baby in Mexico in 2009

Or in October of 2009 when it was our last time taking a picture together with me being your only daughter

and this lovely picture from 2009 (2009 was an interesting year)

and driving to my mother/daughter tea at college last year

And how on point our family looks now:

But anyways, this post is to thank you.


Thank you. Thank you for the pretty dresses you dressed me in when I was little. Thank you for giving me a heart for music and a voice to go with it. Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone when I needed it and sheltering me when you knew that life would be too much then. Thank you for all the times you came and picked me up at 2:45 in the morning from sleep overs that I felt unwelcome at. Thank you for reminding me that I'm beautiful even when boys don't tell me that I am. Thank you for picking me up from school when the bullies were overwhelming me. Thank you for standing up for me when I couldn't stand up for myself. Thank you for the prom dress shopping that we spent way too much money on. Thank you for every Taylor Swift album you pre-ordered for me without me knowing. Thank you for the chicken alfredo that you cook for my birthday every year. Thank you for the Swedish Fish and Dr. Peppers that you would bring me after school each day. Thank you for letting me cry when I needed to and for telling me to suck it up when I was being a diva. Thank you for telling me my eyebrows were too thick when I thought my eyebrow game was strong. Thank you for being a shining example of grace and love and kindness and strength.

You are by far the strongest woman I have ever met. I've never seen anyone fight for her family as strongly as you have. Thank you for believing in love and hope and life when nobody else did. You have overcome so much and you will overcome so much more. You are strong and kind and I am who I am because of you.

In the words of my second favorite human (Taylor Swift)

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side

Even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew

So I'm taking this chance to say

That I had the best day

With you today

Christians & the Needy

Today I was driving through Marietta Square in my 2013 Dodge Avenger that my dad pays for, eating Taco Bell, on my way to sit at a coffee shop to fill out applications for a college education that my father will also more than likely pay for. I say all this to prove that I am beyond blessed. I don't really have much to complain about when it comes to money. But anyways. I was at a red light and I looked to my left and saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. It was cold and raining. Then I looked at the bag of Taco Bell in my passenger seat, the iPhone 6 that was plugged in to my radio, and all the other things that I've spent "spare" money on recently. In that moment, the Lord BROKE me. I just started crying in my car because I am so selfish.

I want to warn you. This post may very well offend the vast majority of you readers. Especially if you are over the age of twenty-five and even more especially if you are southern.

For my entire life, whenever I would see homeless or "needy" people on the side of the road, or anywhere really, RARELY did my family stop to help them or give them money. The excuse "I don't know what they'll spend the money on" was the most common excuse and as my family became more "charismatic" in the Christian realm, "I didn't feel the Holy Spirit leading me to" became even more popular. And for the longest time, both of those reasonings seemed reasonable to me.  Like I don't want to give my money to someone so they can get a meal but they just go spend that on alcohol and I definitely didn't want to do something that was not lead by the Holy Spirit. But recently the Lord has been showing me His heart (through SCRIPTURE and just through the Holy Spirit) for the poor and needy.

If you grew up in the south like I did, you've probably heard "God helps those who help themselves." I know I had that phrase hammered into my head for years. I thought it was completely Biblical. THINK AGAIN HANNAH

Also, that phrase is completely contradictory to the Gospel. Like if God only helped those who helped themselves, we'd all be doomed to an eternity of separation from God. But I digress. God's heart is for those who can't help themselves!!! Jesus said in Mark 2:17 "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Obviously that is about salvation but also it can go along with needs in general. You don't help people who don't need help. That's almost counterproductive???? Like why help people who don't need help when there are so many that do need our help?!?! 

Something I was always told growing up was that we should only help the poor and homeless people who were trying to get out of that hole that they were in. I always thought it was incredibly selfish to think that way. Like it's easy to act like we're better than people when we have money but imagine what it must be like to be in their shoes! Also... A PERSON DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE A DEGREE, "FUTURE," ECONOMIC POTENTIAL, OR MOTIVATION TO BE VALUED AS A PERSON.

Okay but on to the phrase that many Christians use as an excuse "I didn't feel the Holy Spirit leading me to help." I totally agreed with this statement up until about six months ago. Let's take a look at Matthew 25:35-40.

"'For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"

Now I don't think it's by any means far fetched to see that in Scripture, we are clearly called to help the poor and needy in every way that they could need help. Something that hit me a few months ago was the knowledge that I don't need to "feel the Holy Spirit lead" me to help the poor when it is clearly stated in Scripture. We've already been called. I think it's easy for believers to use the whole "I didn't feel the leading of the Holy Spirit" excuse because we're placing the blame on the Holy Spirit for us not doing what we've been called to do. Own up to your laziness, people.

God has called us to live a life of loving and giving unapologetically. There is no discrimination in the body of Christ. So surprise! You (I) have no excuse to not love and give to the poor and needy. 

Peace out cub scouts *peace sign emoji*

Thoughts & Their Lessons

I would give a fancy introduction to this post, but honestly I just wanted to make a list of all the things I've been thinking lately with correlating gifs so, ya know. Here ya go.

1. Friendship is hard.

Friendship can come naturally but as you get older, it's something you have to work to maintain. Life gets busy. Jobs take up 97% of your time and the other 3% you're trying to rest so you're not exhausted at work the next day. I've always struggled with being intentional with people I want to be friends with. I guess it's my pride. I don't want to look thirsty for friendship. But let's be real. Doing life alone sucks and nobody should not have friends. So whether being intentional is just being like "Yo. Wanna go to Taco Bell?" or having friends over for dinner or whatever it may be, do it. Even if your friend tells you they're busy like 75 days in a row. Keep making an effort because friendship and community may be hard, but it's so worth it.

2. Is dating even a thing???

No but seriously. Do people actually date?? Or is it just me who is chronically single? I've seriously been asking myself this question for years now. I'm a beautiful and charming young woman. Why hasn't some dashing young man swooped in and asked me to coffee yet? What does a girl have to do to get some romantic attention around here? I'm 21 and have never had a serious boyfriend. WHAT IS GOING ON ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED.

3. It's okay to want a relationship!!!!

For a long time I was under the impression that desiring a romantic relationship made me weak or desperate. As I've gotten older, I've realized that's not true. I am still completely my own person and I'm strong and awesome and cool while still being single, but having a boyfriend who also thinks I'm strong and awesome and cool would be hella rad. Also kissing and hand holding. Hello.

4. It's also okay to be single!!!!

Another dumb impression I was under for a long time was that I was less valuable as a person because I didn't have a boyfriend. It made me feel unwanted and ugly (which is so dumb because look at me!! I'm a total babe) and like I was doing something wrong. But there is nothing wrong with being single!!! It's okay to not have a romantic relationship. I am strong and fierce and fabulous on my own and I don't need a man to validate that for me!!!

5. Don't be a jerk to customer service people (food service, retail, ya know)

No but seriously. After working at Starbucks for just a month, I've realized how depraved our world actually is. (I'm kinda kidding kinda not) Customers are jerks. Believe me, I will do everything in my power to make your coffee experience the best but I do not control the prices or the fact that we no longer serve the Pumpkin Spice Latte because it's MARCH. Also, I've been trained (Like I get in trouble if I don't do this) to "correct" you when you say "I'd like a large coffee" and say "A venti coffee?" Like I'm really sorry. I don't think you're dumb. I'll just get in trouble. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES PLEASE DON'T GET MAD AT ME. Working a barely above minimum wage job sucks enough as it is please be nice because we literally deal with mean customers all day long.

Also. Tip your waiters. 

6. Be yourself unapologetically

    

    

 Embrace who you are and love it. Find people you can be completely yourself with and stick around with them. Seriously. You have no reason to be ashamed of who you are!!! If you like to sit alone and drink a glass of wine and listen to Taylor Swift, do it and don't be embarrassed! If you like a certain subject in school a lot and you read books on it extracurricularly, don't be embarrassed!!! You are unique and special and awesome!! Own it! Don't be uncomfortable in your own skin because you are never ever going to successfully be someone else. Love yourself. Be yourself.

7. Don't be bitter over other people's joy!!

Preach it Snape. But really. For a while I found myself being bitter over all the good things happening to other people when life was just being a douche canoe to me. But I've been reminding myself that we are called to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Bitterness doesn't change your situation. It changes the way you see it. So chose to be joyful even when life isn't fair. Because let's be real, life is never ever going to be fair. 

8. Let someone know that they've hurt you and deal with it (in a good way)

Seriously though. Something that I've always struggled with is telling someone that they've hurt me. I've always been like "Oh well! It doesn't matter!!" But that always resulted in passive aggression and bitterness. Then the person never knew that the things that they were doing were hurting my feelings, so I kept getting hurt over it. I know it's really uncomfortable to tell someone that you love that they've done something to hurt your feelings, but in the long run, it's better to get it over with so that you both can learn from it!!!

9. Graciously and apologetically deal with it when you have hurt someone

It's so easy to become offended when someone comes to you and says "What you said/did really hurt me." I automatically act like it's their fault that they were hurt when in reality, it was probably mine. Learning to say "I'm sorry. Please forgive me" and to change the way you treat people is key. 

10. Let go of things not meant for you

I don't really think this one needs much explanation. Some things in life just aren't meant for you. Let it go and move on. 

11. Stop competing with other girls.

Ps to all my girls out there who have always thought that feminism was bad and man hating, it's not!!! It's all about gender equality, so please stop hating on it!!! :) But really. One of the most monumentally life changing moments in my life was when I realized that another woman's beauty and success was not the lack of my own!!! Encourage your lady friends!!!! Be like "Oh girl you look good today!!!" Because we do! Believe it or not, life isn't some popularity contest. Support your fellow ladies. Life is hard enough without being a cut throat meany pants who's so insecure that she can't handle another woman being happy and successful.

12. You don't have to wear a size 6 or smaller to be pretty.

I'm 5'8 and wear a size 14 jeans. All of my friends are like 5'4 and shorter and wear like tiny sizes. For so long I always felt like I wasn't as pretty as them simply because of the number on the inside of my jeans. I felt like I was undesirable to men. We turn on the tv and there are countless adds for weight loss programs and exercise equipment and it just makes you feel like absolute crap if you don't look like the people on the screen. But then it hit me. My beauty and my worth isn't defined by numbers on a scale or in my clothes. My beauty comes from within. So you know what? I don't have to lose weight to feel beautiful. I feel beautiful now because I am beautiful. If I want to lose weight, I'm going to do so because I want to, not because I feel like I have to to feel wanted or beautiful. Now, I'm not saying I'm fat. I know I'm not. And guess what!!! Being fat isn't an insult!!! Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. 

13. Be kind even when you don't feel like it.

I want to be remembered for my kindness. Even when people were absolutely horrible to me, I want to treat them with the kindness and goodness that Jesus showed me. Life is too short to be bitter and mean. Even if it's hard and it hurts at times, kindness and grace is so worth it. 

Goodbye friends. Thanks for reading this absolutely ridiculous post.

R E J O I C E

Okay, so if any of you read my blog (to those of you who do, thank you so much! it means the world to me that you'd take time out of your days to see what I have to say) you'll know that I've made a post similar to this one a few months ago. It was pretty vague (I don't even know if it's still up on the blog) and honestly, I think I just wanted to show off my doodling skills so I made a blog post with a doodle I had made. But I digress... Here I am on February 15, 2015 sitting in the Starbucks by Marietta Square (also my place of employment... why am i here on my day off???) and I can't seem to get myself to rejoice. I don't know how many of you know the story of how I got to Georgia, so I'll give you the quick version. A few months ago (around September) I was planning to move to College Station, Texas (random, I know) to go to school. I had a few friends there and I thought they were the best thing that had ever happened to me (tbh, probably one of the worst.) Then the day before my twenty-first birthday, our friendship crashed and burned (like there is absolutely no hope for redeeming these friendships and honestly, I'm okay with that.) I remember going to my parent's room at 3 in the morning and just sitting on the bed with my mom and weeping. Yet again, my entire plan for my future had fallen through. I had already been accepted to school in Texas for the spring semester, I was looking for apartments, and a week earlier everything had seemed fine. Then BAM. It was all gone. I was completely devastated (and bitter.) A few days later, I get a text from my best friend that said "Hey, we're planting a church in Marietta, Georgia. You should come." (Or something along those lines) As soon as I got that text, I knew that I wanted to be in Marietta. Deep in my spirit, I heard the Lord whisper "Go" but I was so scared that it was just my subconscious trying to get me to run from the hurt I was experiencing, so I told my friend that I would pray about it and get back to him later. Not too long after I told him that, I decided that I was just going to stay home in Louisiana and try to deal with and fix some of the stuff that was going on with myself but I could never really shake off Marietta. It was always in the back of my mind. Then one day it clicked. God was calling me to move ten hours away from my family to start over in a new city where I could be completely myself without being under the shadow of my father (who is so cool. y'all. my dad is the best, but like how was i going to live up to being as cool and anointed as my dad if i stayed in sulphur?), where I could love on the nations (marietta is so diverse, y'all, like we are called to bring the Gospel to the nations and the nations have been brought to marietta. how convenient!!!), and I could be a part of a Gospel-centered community of believers starting from the ground up. So then I texted Vinny and was like "Yo, I'm coming to Marietta." And here I am. In Marietta, Georgia. With a great job, great friends, a loving church family, and I can't find joy anywhere in myself to rejoice. Crazy right? I'm living the life I've always dreamed of living and yet I've been stuck in this kind of rut. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?????

Rejoice: to feel or show great joy or delight.

Thank you Google shortcuts for that quick and efficient definition of "rejoice." (but for real how cool are the google shortcuts. like i can do math on google now) I think if you've been in church long enough, you know that the Scriptures are filled to the brim with the word "rejoice." So I decided to take a look at the Word and to see what rejoicing looks like in a Biblical context. Here are a few examples from both the Old and the New Testament.

• Psalm 9:2 - "I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, Most High."
• Psalm 13:5 - "But I have trusted in your steadfast love; and my heart shall rejoice in your salvation."
• Psalm 33:21 - "For our hearts will rejoice in Him, because we trust His holy name."
• Isaiah 25:9 - "It will be said on that day, 'Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, that He might save us. This is the Lord we have waited for Him; let us be glad and rejoice in His salvation.'"
• Joel 2:23 - "Be glad, O children of Zion and rejoice in the Lord your God, for He has given the early rain for your vindication; He has poured down for you abundant rain, the early and the latter rain as before."
• Matthew 5:12 - "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Jesus talking!!!!)
• John 16:22 - "So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you." (still Jesus talking)

Okay so those are just a few examples of rejoicing and stuff, but I'm mainly going to focus on another passage for this post. (you're probably like "oh my gosh hannah this post is so long and boring nobody cares" sorry!!!!!!!!!!) Let's turn to *drum roll* Romans 5!!!! If you know me, you know Romans is probably my favorite of Paul's letters and if you see my Bible, the rainbows of highlighter ink and notes scribbled all around will prove that. But I digress. Last week we dove into Romans 5:1-11 at our weekly gathering and it's been on my mind ever since. More specifically, Romans 5:1-5.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him, we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

As said earlier, I've been in this rut where I feel like I can't rejoice anymore. I've been caught up in the fact that I'm 628 miles away from my family and I don't know when I'll see them again or that I feel completely alone and unwanted sometimes or even worse, the personal things going on in my life that I don't necessarily need to post about on the internet. I feel like my "sufferings" are crippling me. How can I rejoice when I can't even breathe? How can I have joy in the midst of all this hurting and chaos?

So I was thinking. I don't really think that joy always correlates with happiness and our circumstances. Or maybe joy is when we shift our focus from our circumstances to our Savior. In verse 2 it says "we rejoice in hope of the glory of God." When the light of the glory of our Savior is seen, the shadows of our circumstances become so much smaller. I think joy is rooted in who the Lord is. Joy is a by product of the Holy Spirit in one's life. Joy is constant but I think often times we lose focus on Jesus and put joy on the back burner. When we are enthralled with the glory of the Lord, we realize that everything else is so inconsequential. I miss my family? Jesus is greater. I feel alone? Jesus is greater. My life feels like it's falling apart? Jesus is greater. The answer to our desire for joy will always be Jesus. There is no way that we can truly rejoice without our focus being fully on the Lord. 

Joy is acknowledging and acting upon the knowledge that Jesus is greater. Jesus is constant. Joy is rooted in Jesus and because of that, I can rejoice.

2015 & My Goals

So we're fifteen days into 2015 and I've already broken one of my major new year's resolutions, I bought Dr. Pepper for my apartment. I promised myself I was only going to drink Dr. Pepper when I went out to eat and I would drink water and tea at home. BUT I AM WEAK AND I BROKE. Anyways, me buying Dr. Pepper is not the point of this post. This post is going to be about 2015 and what I'm expecting and how I want it to be different from the previous years.

To be honest, I've always thought that new year's resolutions were dumb. I never really set any for myself because I knew that I wouldn't follow through with them. But this year I decided to actually set goals for myself.

• Live healthier: less junk food, less soda, more water, get active, feel better
• Look for the best in people: show grace in all situations, know that what I see may not be the only thing going on in someone's life, everyone has struggles and are trying.
• Look for the best in myself: try not to be so critical of myself and to be more confident
• Be kinder than I feel.
• Read more: reading stimulates your mind and it's fun and it helps me write better.
• Write more: yay for words
• Take action against injustice: Okay I'm not becoming a vigilante or anything but for too long we have remained silent about injustice simply because it doesn't necessarily affect us directly. I'm so over that
• Be intentional: It's so scary to be intentional. Like what if you get rejected?! Oh well. People matter. Relationships matter.
• Love unapologetically.

Something that's super cool about life and changing the way you live is that you don't have to wait until January 1 every year. Every day is a new start and you have the power and choice to change. So maybe you've broken one of your resolutions already. That's okay. Tomorrow is a fresh start and 2015 doesn't have to be as yucky as 2014 was. Don't be discouraged. Be kind. Drink lots of water. Don't let people walk all over you. You are incredible and 2015 is a blank page. Make something beautiful out of it.

Moving to Georgia & Other Adventures

You're probably wondering where I've been and why your newsfeeds haven't been clogged up with my Taylor Swift obsessed statuses and really dumb (me trying to be hella spiritual) blog posts. Fear not, friends. I just haven't had wifi for the last two weeks. I am alive and will be back to clogging up your feeds in no time.

I'm sure most, if not all, of you know that I recently packed up and moved to Marietta, Georgia to help out with a church plant here. Honestly, I don't think anyone was really surprised that I moved again, because let's be real, I could never really stay in Sulphur for long. Anyways, I made it back to Marietta on December 27 and my life has been insanely busy ever since.

But I thought I'd crash at Starbucks for a bit and take advantage of their free wifi and drink a cup of coffee. I've only been in Georgia about two weeks, but I've learned (or experienced) some weird things.

1. Atlanta has eight lane traffic and it scares me. A lot. Like how am I supposed to get over 73094 lanes to exit when THERE IS TRAFFIC OUT THE WAZOO. I'm not prepared for this.
2. Marietta has traffic lights every five feet. Like I spend more time at stop lights than I do actually driving.
3. I am nowhere close the being the hipster I thought I was. I look like a preppy sorority girl here. New wardrobe? I think yes.
4. It's cold here??? Like I walked out to my car this morning and it had ice all over it and I had no idea what to do??? What is ice? What are temperatures under 87 degrees? AM I IN ANTARCTICA 
5. Food gets expensive. Like hello I'm going to eat Ramen noodles for the rest of my life.
6. Deep southern accents are not satyrical here. PEOPLE ACTUALLY TALK THAT WAY.
7. We have a Gone with the Wind Museum??
8. I'd rather sleep than job hunt, but ya know, money.
9. I now humbly appreciate free meals and people being nice to me
10. Meeting new people is terrifying but necessary so I might as well suck it up and say hello
11. The Lord is incredibly faithful and He's stretching me and growing me, so let's do this

I'm also tired and want to sleep for 75 hours, so I'll get back with you.

The Prodigal Son and Stuff

Alright, so today we're going to dive into Luke 15:11-31. It's commonly referred to as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. I'm sure if you've been in church for even just a short time, you've heard a sermon or two preached on it. Most of the time, the entire sermon is focussed on how we shouldn't be like the prodigal son and all that jazz. Obviously that's a good teaching to follow but there's so much more in this passage that we can learn.

Instead of posting a whole twenty verses, I'll summarize it shortly. There was a man with two sons. One day the younger of the two goes to his dad and is like "Yo. Give me my half of the inheritance. I'm peacing out." - Okay quick history lesson here. In that time and culture, telling your father that you wanted your inheritance while he was still alive was the equivalent of saying "I wish you were dead." - So the dad gave him his half of the inheritance and homeboy was like "bye felicia" and went off to some foreign country and started living like a hooligan. He spent all of his money on partying and prostitutes and then as soon as his money runs out, a famine hits the country that he's living in. So homeboy is out of money, stuck in a foreign country, and there's no food. He goes off and gets a job feeding pigs for some random farmer and it got to the point where he was so hungry that he would look at the food that the pigs were eating (Which is absolutely disgusting. Like google pig slop to see how nasty it looks) and wanted to eat it. Finally he comes to his senses and is like "What the heck my dad's servants have more than enough to eat. I'll just go tell him to hire me as one of his servants because I don't deserve to be his son anymore." So he starts his journey back home. And even while he was still awhile from home, his dad saw him and picked up his robe and RAN to his son and embraced him. - Another history lesson here. In that time and culture, letting people see your ankles was a no no and men over the age of twenty-five didn't run. It was scandalous.- The son was all like "Dad, I've messed before God and you and I don't deserve to be your son anymore. " Before homeboy could finish, the dad told the servants to prepare a huge banquet in celebration of his son coming home. The dad got him new clothes and there was a crazy awesome party because homeboy was back home. You're probably wondering what happened with the older son. I haven't mentioned him in a bit. Well fear not, dear readers, I will enlighten you. The older son was out working in the fields (because apparently this family lived on a farm) and heard the party going on and was like "What on earth is going on?" So he asked a servant about all the commotion and the servant promptly informed him that it was a celebration in honor of his wayward brother coming home. So big brother got all frustrated and went to his dad and was like "I've worked hard for you all my life and have never rebelled. You've never celebrated me. Homeboy went off and wasted his inheritance and you kill the fattened calf (had a frickin' awesome barbecue) for him!" The dad gently reminded big brother "Son, you are always with me and everything that I have is yours. It's only right to celebrate because you're brother was dead and is alive again. He was lost and now is found."

Alright story time over. Let's dig into this. I think it's pretty obvious who the "prodigal son" represents, us. I also think it's obvious that the Father is a representation of God. Most of the time when we hear this passage being preached on, the pastor or whoever stops after the prodigal comes home and Daddy throws the party. BUT THEY LEAVE OUT HOMEBOY BIG BROTHER. Alright I'll try to dissect this some for ya.

We are the prodigal son. We have rebelled against God the Father. We squandered our lives away on sinful temporary things. We are the lost cause. And God is the Father that doesn't care about the scandal but about the scandalous (us.) God is the one who picked up the hem of His robes and ran to us in our brokenness. God did the unthinkable to bring us back into His glorious presence and family. We were the dead and now living. We were the lost that were found. I think that's obvious.

But so many times we allow ourselves to be the older brother, especially we who have been believers for awhile. For years I only read up to the celebration. I finished when Dad was like "Yo throw a party." But recently I read the end and was like "Oh my gosh. I am the older son" and I wasn't happy with that realization. So many times we become bitter with new believers because they are so on fire and everyone is celebrating them. I think we (not all of us, maybe just me) feel like God loves them more to us. Like all of the angels in heaven are celebrating this new member of the family who was some heathen and we who have been faithful and true for years aren't getting any recognition at all. I've found myself in that place so many times recently. I feel so unappreciated by God (obviously I don't need to be appreciated because anything good I do is through HIS strength, not my own.) We lose focus on the fact that it's not about us. It was never about us. It's about HIM and HIS grace and HIS gospel. Bitterness comes from focussing on ourselves and what we think we deserve. Don't allow bitterness take hold in your heart. Focus on the Father. Celebrate with the ones brought home. There is no room for bitterness and resentment in the Kingdom of God.